Social Advocacy and Friendship

Listen - Social Advocacy and Friendship

2:53

The first time I remember speaking in public, I had been asked to participate on a panel of blind children about how to make friends. I was eight years old, and making friends came pretty naturally to me because I was curious and didn't mind starting conversations with random people. As I got older, though, I realized I needed to think more beyond my immediate goals and interests and pay attention to the people around me.  

I wasn't always super great at gauging that interest, but luckily, I had adults in my life who were happy to help. My mom always told me that when she spoke to blind adults, the main thing that they talked about was the problem of social isolation. She said she didn't want that for me, and taught me the skills that she thought I would find helpful to build a robust social life. The first time I remember her doing this is when I was 10. 

I had joined a drama club and, unbeknownst to me, one of the girls had said hi to me a few times and tried to make an effort at making friends. Since I was homeschooled, my mom was present at the rehearsals. After rehearsal, she pointed it out to me. She suggested I respond with more than a cursory "hello" and try to engage in conversation. The next time Katelyn said hi to me, I said hello back and started a conversation with her. That conversation turned into a play date, which turned into many subsequent sleepovers, my joining Girl Scouts, and Katelyn and I developing a friendship that would last well into middle school. She is the first person I remember intentionally choosing to be friends with, and not just someone I hung out with due to happenstance. Katelyn ended up choosing to learn braille, and we became penpals. It was the first time someone showed curiosity about my experiences as a blind person that didn't feel like a forced opportunity to explain myself. 

As I grew older, I realized that people weren't as open as Katelyn was about asking questions and learning new things. It didn't mean that other people didn't have questions, however. I realized I liked it when people asked questions better than when they assumed they knew what I liked, what I needed, or how I did things. I developed a few phrases that I use at the beginning of a friendship to acknowledge that they probably have questions and to signify that I'm open to answering those questions. I will often say something like, "I realize that I might be the first blind person you've ever met, and even if I'm not, I am probably different from other blind people you have met. If you ever have questions about my blindness or about how I do things as a blind person, I am totally open to answering those." 

Curiosity is a two-way street, as is friendship, so I often would think about things that the other person does, knows about, or identifies with that I'm curious about. I will often say something like, "I'd love to know more about (insert hobby, identity, or special interest here.) Do you feel like talking about that right now?" If they say yes, great. If they say that they're not interested right now, I have found that respecting their decision leads to greater openness and reciprocality later on. True friendships are reciprocal, after all..